Post by Night Train Lane on Dec 18, 2011 6:22:44 GMT -5
4. See a Brandon Iceman Mugshot
Dick Lane was a member of the MSFL, and as some of you may or may not know, Brandon Iceman was a commissioner of the MSFL for a very long time. After a very long absence, people began to wonder where he was. He eventually came back on the boards, and explained that he was jailed for hitting his wife. Let’s be honest, the bitch probably deserved it, but I still want to see the mugshot.
I seem to remember that Iceman was of Cuban descent. I get flashes time to time of the Tourettes’ Guy calling the police yelling, “He’s a long-legged pissed off Puerto Rican!” I realize they’re not the same, but the fact that the Tourettes’ Guy could tell the nationality of a person from what he looks like is pretty impressive. RIP Tourettes’ Guy. I think I’m getting off topic here.
Anyway, c’mon Brandon - post the mugshot. You can consider it your Christmas present to me.
3. Make a line of tomato juice to the bathroom in the Reno locker room
I have long heard of doing this in a public place like a Wal-Mart or somewhere like that, but I think that it would be just as funny in the Reno locker room. It has been long rumored that Mr. Edd was a raging homosexual, so it wouldn’t be much of a stretch for him to lose his female flow all over the floor. We will just have to figure out how to get him in the picture in some sort of squatting pose. Photoshop, maybe?
2. Rewrite the Friends Theme Song
One of the easiest ways to make money is to write music for a theme song to a show. Every time that the song plays on any network, you get royalties. You don’t get normal royalties, though; you get a much higher percentage of money. The folks that wrote the Friends theme song were greedy bastards. They decided to add more verses to put the song out on the radio, in addition to the original theme song.
In the original theme song, the first line goes, “So no one told you life was gonna’ be this way.” Ok, solid start, but it goes downhill after that in the radio version. The second verse makes no sense at all. “You’re still in bed at 10, and work began at 8. You burned your breakfast so far, things are going great.” Ah that makes sense. Imagine that scenario, “Hey baby, I’m two hours late for work, can you hand me the skillet?”
Oh it doesn’t end there; the song goes on to say, “Your momma told you there’d be days like these.” Wait now I’m confused, because the first line of the song is, “So no one told you life was gonna’ be this way.” How do you forget what you write two minutes into your own damn song? I must return this theme song back to respectable quality.
1. Figure out the Real Reason why Bash and Advantage Disappear
I swear to God, I’ve never been in a league where the two administrators are online less than they are here. Advantage pops in a couple times a day and doesn’t say much, and Bash has been busy “working” and I’m not sure what to believe anymore. We signed our fullback, Stricker Williams, immediately after the first game, and he will be making his UFSL debut this week, week four, against the Stormtroopers. When asking the administrators to process him, the response was something to the effect of “send me a PM and quit bitching” while they were canning graders.
Hey guys, it’s all cool. Just PM the graders to do their job; what’s the big deal? Oh, because when someone doesn’t do their job and it inconveniences you it’s a big deal, but when it doesn’t personally affect your team and you’re the one not doing your job it isn’t. Oh, ok. The word of the day here is perspective.
Anyone think it is possible that Bash and Advantage are secretly either married, involved with each other, or they are same person? That might be a good media topic for next week! It’s a goal inside of a goal! It’s like a rabbit in a hat or something! Yeah!
