Post by Night Train Lane on Nov 27, 2011 12:46:51 GMT -5
AP Newsbreak: Dick Lane rises from grave and opts for UFSL free agency
By AP Staff
Austin (AP) – Move over Tim Tebow, there’s a new Jesus in town.
After being dead for ten years, Dick Lane reportedly rose from his grave in Austin, Texas, and declared himself eligibile for the UFSL.
You read that right.
“I’ve been laying around for ten years not doin’ anythang main’. It beez’ time fo’ me to get up an’ do my thang. Night Train ‘bout to set it off up in this bitttttch.”
Never been one to shy away from controversy, Night Train has expressed interest in breathing life into the otherwise stagnant UFSL.
“Some folks done me wrong, but I ain’t here to talk no jazz. I’m here to do my thang. I also need to let y’all know ‘dat the Night Train only plays corner, so don’t even think you’re going to move me, ya’ feel me? I’ll be honest though, I don’t feel the same. Yeah, I don’t really feel like myself quite yet, but I know I can get back to where I need to be in order to be successful.”
If you were familiar with Lane before his death, you may not be able to recognize him. An unlikely side effect of Lane’s fountain of youth experience was bleached skin. Right after literally walking out of his own grave, Lane reportedly said, “Man look at me! I’m alive, I feel great, and I’m white! How lucky can a black man get?”
There are certain legal ramifications that Lane and his family must overcome due to his unexpected revival.
“Well, I went back to my house and it ain’t mine anymore. My son gave me my old car back, but I’m a homeless NFL Hall of Famer. How crazy is that?”
[img src="[http://www.minddisorders.com/images/gemd_01_img0056.jpg"]
Yes, the crazy part about this entire story is that you’re homeless.
“And I can’t go back to the NFL either, ‘cuz there be-z’ a legal clause that says whenever you go to the Hall of Fame that you can’t go back to the NFL. I don’t like that a whole lot. I wanna’ show them young bucks what this old man can do, but hey, I’m gon’na get my chances here.”
Someone needs to tell Brett Favre about that rule in a few years.
Dick Lane still holds the NFL record for most interceptions in a season (14) and did that in a 12 game season. Dick appears to still set high standards for himself regarding his level of play.
“I know I ain’t gon’na be no world beater when I first start but my name will be in the conversation by the end of the year, believe ‘dat.”
Word is coming in from around the UFSL in regards to Dick Lane’s interest in the UFSL. Griffins fullback Maple Syrup said, “Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I’m sorry, that was unprofessional, but ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.”
UFSL admin Christopher Miller said, “It is nice that a legend is interested in our league, but we might have to consider an age requirement in order to keep our league safe for everyone.”
Dick Lane has attempted to silence the doubters via twitter saying, “Let em keep on tlkn. smtims the lite @ da end of da tunnel is a train. the night train.”
It remains to be seen if a team will take a chance on Lane. It should be an interesting next few days.
