Post by Bash on Dec 1, 2011 0:35:19 GMT -5
Name: Lord Vader
Position: Middle Linebacker
College: Oregon
Height: 6’6"
Weight: 255 Lbs.
40 yard dash: 1.36 sec.
Bench Press: 742 reps
EARLY LIFE
Born Anakin Skywalker on an unknown world, but was raised on Tatooine. Whatever world he was born on, Tatooine was the only home he ever knew. His mother, Shmi Skywalker, claimed that she had become pregnant with him without getting down to business with anyone. Qui-Gon Jinn interpreted this as being part of a prophecy about the Chosen One who would "bring balance to the Force". The wise Jedi Master suggested that the midi-chlorians might have conceived him. In fact, Anakin had a midi-chlorian count of over 20,000, which was even greater than that of Senior Jedi Master Yoda
Taken from Tatooine by Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn at the age of nine, and trained in the ways of Force by Obi-Wan Kenobi. During his training, he was slowly swayed to the dark side by his own arrogance and recklessness, as well as by Darth Sidious. He eventually took on the mantle of Dark Lord of the Sith, becoming Darth Vader shortly before the formation of the Galactic Empire.
UNIVERSITY
Lord Vader came to Earth to get away from the struggle for galactic power. In discussions with the earthlings he discovered that a game called football was something that was loved by the masses and made the men who were great at it loved by all. Vader decided he would go to the University of Oregon and create his legend on earth.
2006
Vader managed to rack up 715 tackles and 78 sacks in his freshman season. Basically breaking every defensive record in college ball. The NCAA started an investigation into Lord Vader during this season which continued through the Ducks winning a National Championship.
2007
As a sophomore Vader compiled a stat line of 804 tackles, 114 sacks, 92 forced fumbles and 45 defensive touchdowns. At the end of this season Darth Sidious, wanting his top warrior back, told the NCAA about Vaders use of the force and the powers he possessed. Needless to say the Ducks were forced from the National Championship game.
2008
The NCAA decided it was unfair to let Vader play football with the Ducks further so his Junior season was spent studying and intimidating NCAA officials with his psionic powers.
2009
Vader did his work on the NCAA and was reinstated for his senior season. Nobody wanted to play against this half man, half cyborg and all offenses laid down for the Ducks who went on to win another National Title. Vaders stats were so ludicrous that the NCAA stopped keeping track of them and did not even list them in any records.
Lord Vader posing with some of his Oregon teammates
PRESENT
Lord Vader had dreams of playing in the National Football League but it became clear that would never happen as no team had the balls to draft him for fear he would lose his temper anf kill someone. Not knowing what to do next Vader flew off in his ship, The Super Star Destroyer Executor. While flying around the galaxy blowing things up Lord Vader recieved a message from fellow darkside Jedi Darth Advantage. The message was a question, "How do you feel about starting our own league? A league where we can use our powers of the darkside to hurt the weak and feable earthlings. "Vader replied "Sure, I'm bored with blowing things up." Thus was born the United Football League.
Lord Vader started his league conquest by contacting Chancellor Swoosh to create and manage a team in the league. Being a trusted ally for many years Vader knew this was the man for the job. Chancellor Swoosh then contacted Admiral Viet Trieu to help him manage his new team. Unfortunately Admiral Trieu had this to say "Gone to the light side I have, Vader scares me he does. Evil too much it be with madman of crazy. Pee'd myself I did thinking of things such as this. Homosexual I may be." So needless to say Vader was named co-general manager of the team now known as the lovable Seattle Stormtroopers.
Vader next set out to recruit all members of the force, both light and dark side to play for the Stormtroopers. While the offensive and defensive lines are all members of the Jedi world it was not easy for Vader to convince them to come play. Lord Vaders bargaining chip was the phrase "Make football, not war." It has seemed to work so far as Jedi's are putting down their lightsabers by the dozens. Only one problem has errupted in training camp thus far and that was during an interview. Lord Vader when asked how he liked his new team replied, "So far so good, Yoda is the only one who annoys me. I mean the guy is a pompous little freak who talks like Admiral Trieu and nobody wants to listen to that all day, seriously." Yoda got very defensive and replied "Compare me to Trieu you do? Asking for fight you are. Sissy girl I am not." before stomping off to his swamp and pouting for a few days.
Pros:
Telekinesis: Lord Vader does not need to touch people to tackle them. It could be quite hard for running backs to run when they are elevated off the turf. It could be hard for quarterbacks to throw if they are spinning in mid air. If Vader can control a lightsaber with his telekinesis then whats to stop him from doing the same with a football. This power will be very hard to stop and will make most teams just shake their head and walk off the field.
Telepathy: Lord Vader can communicate with anyone on the team at any time telepathically. What does this mean for Vader and the team? Well how about no more snap counts, no more audibles out loud and the ability to trash talk opponents without even speaking. There is no limit to the uses of Vader's telepathy and it should make for an interesting season when we see the things he comes up with.
Leadership: Lord Vader led The 501st Legion, a stormtrooper squad nicknamed "Vader's first" in the extermination of the Jedi Order. A natural born leader, Lord Vader was later named Supreme Commander of the Imperial Fleet. Leading a fottball team, one as far advanced from it's opponents as the Stormtroopers should be a cake walk. With a midi-chlorian count of over 20,000 there is no reason to doubt this Jedi's ability to lead any team let alone defense.
Cons:
Murder: Lord Vader has murdered thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands. At the command of his master, Palpatine, Vader led the 501st Legion to the Jedi Temple, killing every single Jedi inside, including the younglings. The younglings even? This guy is a madman who is out of control and it's only a matter of time before he kills in this league which will likely result in a mass amount of cheers form the leagues followers. This will depend on which member he kills however.
Agility: Lord Vader has very poor agility with all his cyborg attachments and old age. The fact is it won't mean much when Vader can fly without breaking a sweat just by using his telekinesis powers. Regardless it hampers the team in training because Vader is unable to train like a human opponent. I suppose if you train against Vader though you should be prepared.
Temper: The guy has a killed, maimed, taken out children and even attacked his own son and daughter on plenty of occassions. Saying Lord Vader has an anger managment issue is like saying Admiral Trieu has an issue with the English language. We'll see soon enough what problems this temper causes but realistically we predict deaths, more than one. Also, adding to the anger problems are the teammates of Yoda and Darth Sidious who are always in Vaders business trying to force the light and the dark upon him.
